


Straight Edge

by LouLa



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Exhibitionism, M/M, Piercings, Tattoos, Teenagers, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-12
Updated: 2010-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-09 01:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/768373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouLa/pseuds/LouLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We were young, he was new and like nothing I'd ever seen before. He was inked, I was sheltered; he was pierced, I was Holy. He swam nude... I watched.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Straight Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Slash Backslash Contest 2.0. Took 2nd place for Reader's Choice.

I'll never forget that first summer.

Edward Cullen had just moved to 'Bama, we were both sixteen, and he was so different from every other boy I'd ever seen. His hair was pitch black, his lower lip adorned with a ring of silver at the corner, and his upper arm already clearly marked with vivid black ink that contrasted his pale white skin. He caused an uproar.

"Sixteen?" the mothers gasped. "That boy is but a child and already covered in the devil's work. Trouble!"

The gleam of mischief in his vibrant green eyes supported their theory, but I quickly learned there was a lot more to Edward Cullen than his outward appearance hinted at.

The news of the new doctor in town traveled fast and the fact that Edward was the adopted son of _the_ Doctor Carlisle Cullenshocked many. A doctor's son—even adopted—having a tattoo and piercing at sixteen? Bigoted, shallow-minded Alabamians shunned the doctor and son without second thought.

The new doctor didn't seem fazed and patiently explained to anyone who expressed their concern that his son was allowed to express himself freely, in any way that he wanted, as long as he was not damaging himself or others. Several went on to contend that he was putting holes in himself, staining his skin, and some even went so far as to say, sinning by altering the body God had given him. _Some_ went even further, so far as to call it an outrage to let him into our church.

Some like my mother, who was frankly a hypocrite. Oddly enough, it was me, the son of two God-fearing parents, who was the most fascinated with this boy. Call it childhood rebellion or the need to set myself apart from the rest, but I wanted to know him, I wanted to find out everything about him. I was more than just a little curious about the boy who was causing such a stir.

But my mother forbid it, even after the kind Dr. and Mrs. Cullen assured everyone that Edward would never be the cause of any trouble at all. My sister Rosalie and myself were _forbid_ from fraternizing with scum, devil's spawn, no good, bound for Hell garbage like the Cullens. And my mother, always the one to set the example, started a trend, turning parents and children alike against them.

I may not have been the smartest boy around, but I knew better than to question my mother on her Christianity, though I myself thought it ruthless that she would condemn to Hell a boy of my own age whom she truly knew nothing about. Carlisle Cullen was a _doctor_ , how terrible could he be, and Mrs. Cullen was always nothing but sweet, and even the boy, Edward, was unendingly kind, despite his appearance and the way everyone treated him. But like I said, I wasn't stupid, therefore I obeyed my mother unquestioningly... for the most part.

I was but a curious boy. No one _forbid_ me from watching from a distance.

And watch I did.

That summer he sent the girls screaming and the boys hissing from the cool swimming waters as he shed every last stitch of clothing before entering the water. I would watch, shameless and entranced, as he would stand there smirking as he slowly stripped himself bare. There was more ink than one could see when he was dressed. A long, intricate design continuing from his thigh to his underarm and down again and something small between his shoulder blades that I couldn't distinguish from a distance, in addition to the tribal symbol on his arm.

I'd seen boys naked before in the locker room, but I'd never ever been interested in watching or seeing them nude, but Edward was _so_ different. I couldn't peel my eyes away from the lithe movement of his body—his lank, defined body. I noticed everything, I liked everything; from the way his hair sometimes seemed to have a red tint to it in the sunlight to the way his abs tightened and bunched when he laughed to the way his second toes were longer than his firsts. I especially noticed, and liked, the way he hung heavy and large between his legs, his uncircumcised penis swinging hypnotically as he laughingly waded into the water.

Like clockwork, everyone would flee the scene as soon as Edward arrived. I was always the last, always the most interested, but like a sheep with its herd, I would soon follow quickly behind everyone else. But not before Edward would give me one penetrating, questioning look. He seemed curious of me too, and being just a naïve boy, I wanted to know, I _had_ to know. Why...

So when my chance presented itself, I took it. Rosalie and I were heading to the water to cool off, to get away from our mother, but we ran into Emmett along the way.

"Damn Cullen, has to ruin everything," he was grumbling.

My ears perked. Edward was already there? I glanced at Rosalie, who was eying Emmett like a piece of meat—sweaty, tanned, muscled meat—and slowly took a step to the side.

"Hey, Rosie," Emmett greeted with a smirk, not even noticing me.

 _Oh, this is perfect_ , I thought. "Hi, Emmett," she replied, taking a step toward him.

"Stupid Cullen is tainting our drinking water, walk you home?" he said.

Rose blushed and nodded and I rolled my eyes at them as they made gooey eyes at each other and linked arms, walking merrily away into the sunset. _Gag me_.

As disgusting as they both were, this was my chance, and neither were any the wiser when I snuck off down the trail.

I gasped when I spotted Edward floating across the crystalline water on his back. His black hair swayed along the surface and his long, splayed fingers cut back and forth, rippling the blue around him. His pale form lay still, his only other movement when his stomach distended as he breathed. Long arms and legs appeared strong despite their thinness, the pale, hairless expanse of his chest looking just the same with only slight definition in his young pectorals and shoulders.

His nipples were small and pink, puckered slightly due to the cool water and breeze. A thin trail of hair lay below his distinct abdominal muscles, leading from his bellybutton down to the rosier skin of his sex. His body hair and eyebrows weren't black like his hair, so I knew he dyed it.

His sudden movement startled me as he rolled over and dove down into the water and I ducked behind a tree to hide, ashamed that I had stood there staring at the length of him resting against his hip for so long. I knew that what I was doing was wrong—not the being there, though my mother _forbid_ it, but the ogling of his naked body—but I didn't care. There was something so unique about Edward, and it didn't _feel_ wrong when I looked at him that way, even if I was _taught_ otherwise.

I knew I wasn't supposed to be sexually aroused by him, but I was, and I didn't care what that meant.

But I was still too chicken to admit it.

I watched as he swam and dove and played. All alone, he entertained himself, seemingly perfectly at ease and happy. He was amazing.

"Are you going to stand up there sweating all day watching me swim or are you going to get your ass in the water?" he called suddenly.

I dragged my eyes away from their current focus on his bellybutton and noticed that he was staring directly into my eyes. There was definitely amusement in his eyes and he didn't appear to be angry, but I still felt terrible. I was hiding behind a tree, watching him like a pervert.

It's me my mother should have condemned to Hell.

"I'm sorry," I said, stepping out into the well worn path leading down the embankment.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever," he said nonchalantly, running his long fingers through his hair, making it stand out on end in every direction. "So are you coming in or not?"

I nervously glanced over my shoulder, but the path was completely empty. I cautiously stepped forward, sliding down the steep embankment to the water edge. I left my shoes and towel behind a bush.

"Wanna swim naked?" Edward asked. I turned to stare at him incredulously and he laughed. "Just get in here, Jasper."

"You know my name?" I asked, taking a step into the chilly water.

"Sure. Don't you know mine?"

I blushed, taking another step toward him. "Well, yes, but that's different."

He laughed again, a deep throaty chuckle this time. "How so? You think just because everyone talks about me that only you deserve to know who I am."

"I don't know who you are," I answered him.

He smirked at me, taking a step in my direction while reaching out his hand. "No, you really don't. I'm Edward Anthony Cullen, from Chicago, sixteen years old, and completely obsessed with my sixty-seven Shelby GT500. Who are you?"

"Jasper William Whitlock, born and raised here, also sixteen, and completely obsessed with..." You. "...the guitar," I said, shaking his hand.

"Really?" he asked, pulling my hand closer to his face to examine my fingers. "Nice," he drew out, dropping my hand back down into the water after confirming that I indeed had the calloused fingers of a player. "So tell me, Jasper William Whitlock, why do you watch me?" he inquired, smirking widely as he stretched out across the top of the water for my eyes to greedily take him all in again.

"I don't know," I lied, trudging into the deeper water to get cooled off. I suddenly felt a little warm.

"Why are you here then?" he asked next. I darted my eyes from the marks on his hips up to his eyes. "The truth this time."

I sighed, blowing bubbles in the water for a moment before I decided to just say it already. "Because I _really_ want to know you," I whispered.

He stood up again, walking slowly through the water over to me. His green eyes danced with life and secrets, and I felt some of my tension slip away, glad that I was finally there, that I said it. "You're in luck, Jasper," he said, "because I _really_ want to know you too. What do you want to know first? Ask me anything."

I couldn't help but smile and feel at ease, his presence and demeanor simply calming to me. I hesitated for half a second before I fearlessly poked his lip ring, feeling cool hard metal and soft pink lip beneath my finger. "Did it hurt?" I wondered aloud.

"When I fell from Heaven? Yes, terribly," he replied laughingly. Then he poked me in the lip, while I boldly kept my finger on his, flicking his ring back and forth curiously. "It must have hurt a hundred times worse for you though, you fell so much farther than I did." His tongue darted out, flicking over my finger and I gasped, pulling it away. "What's the next question, if I came from Tennessee?" he asked, pulling his finger away from my lip before I got a chance to lick him back.

I stared at him confusedly for several long moments. "You said you came from Chicago, why would I ask if you came from Tennessee?"

He huffed quietly, rolling his eyes at me. "Fine, did _you_ come from Tennessee then?"

"No," I replied, at loss. "I told you I was raised here. Why?"

He smiled wide, his mouth crinkling up higher in the one corner. "Because you're the only _ten I see_."

He began laughing loudly when I just continued to stare at him blankly. "I don't get it," I mumbled honestly. "Turn around."

He looked at me oddly before slowly turning his back to me. I stared at the design between his shoulder blades, realizing that it was a cross.

 _Take that, you frauds, he wears the cross on his body at all times. What do you do?_ I thought, pleased with my newest revelation.

My fingers moved on their own accord and his muscles tightened underneath my touch, immediately causing me to pull my hand away. "May I?" I asked, slightly embarrassed that I kept touching him without asking first.

"Touch me anywhere you want to, Jas," he replied calmly, glancing at me over his shoulder.

When I finished tracing Edward's tattoo, I let my hand fall away and he turned back around to face me. "Have you ever kissed anyone?" he asked.

"Yes," I told him candidly, wondering why he was asking, but at the same time not wanting to deny him an answer. "Three weeks ago, Alice Brandon took me behind that bush over there and kissed me, but she told me not to tell anyone."

"Did you like it?" he pressed.

"I don't know. It wasn't that great," I said with a shrug.

I watched as he hesitantly moved a bit closer to me. I never noticed before, but I was just slightly taller than him, unless you counted his hair. I heard him swallow, and my eyes moved down to his lips, which I watched him lick. "What if I kissed you?" he asked quietly.

My breath caught in my throat and I looked up into his eyes, finding that they had darkened and lost some of their previous amusement. My throat constricted with nerves and I found that I couldn't answer him, even if I had known what to say.

Before Alice kissing me, I'd never been kissed on the lips before, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about what it would feel like to have Edward's lips on mine, especially after Alice kissed me. Edward's lips were more plump and full than Alice's, and then there was the ring. I wondered what that would feel like against my lips.

I think I'd like it if Edward kissed me.

Before I could tell him that, his eyes widened. "Jasper, get down," he whispered.

I tried to ask why, but I ended up with a mouthful of water as he shoved me down onto my knees. He quickly turned around, putting his back to me and his butt right in my face. I laughed and shoved on his hip, and he hissed at me to be quiet. I quickly understood when I heard the carrying voice of my sister calling my name. I took a huge, deep breath and sank beneath the surface of the water, resting my hand on Edward's leg as he stood protectively in front of me, blocking me from the view of those coming to look for me. I was grateful I had hidden my shoes and towel near the bushes.

My lungs ached and burned for air by the time that Edward urged me back to the surface. Gasping and coughing for breath, I told him I had to go.

He simply nodded and turned away from me, all traces of amusement gone from his eyes. "Bye, Jasper William Whitlock."

"I'll see you around," I asked... hoped... promised...

"Sure," he replied, swimming down stream from me.

I couldn't forget the way he seemed sad and alone as he swam away, but I was too afraid to stay, so I dressed and ran home, thinking that I'd never forget how broken he had looked in that moment.

– – –

After our first encounter, I remember Edward not showing up to swim at all. I had no idea what to think, but I worried that he left or that I did something wrong, upset him in some way. His car remained parked in front of his house, though, and that was a good sign, at least he was still here. I also saw him mowing his front lawn one time, shirtless, with a huge bandage over his entire ribcage. I nearly started to panic, wondering what in the world happened to him. I was in the car with my mother, father, and Rosalie, there was absolutely nothing I could do.

That Sunday at church, I didn't hear a word of the sermon as I nervously bounced my knee, staring at Edward and his side, where I knew I had seen bandage. He caught me looking, definitely more than once, but I didn't care, not even in the slightest. I had to know what happened.

After the service was over and everyone started to gather in the lobby, filing one by one toward the kitchen area, I caught Edward's eye and smoothly slid away from my parents. He shook his head 'no' at me and I froze, my eyes widening slightly as I took another step in his direction. His jaw tightened and he again shook his head, more forcefully this time.

I remember the ache in my stomach, in my heart as I grasped that it was me, I _had_ done something. He didn't want me looking at him anymore.

I faltered backwards a step, surprisingly heartbroken. I didn't even really know him yet, but I wanted to, so badly, and I wanted him to like me, and kiss me, and...

His eyes grew sad and he shook his head again, more gently this time as he mouthed the word 'no'. He then jerked his head to the left and I followed his motion, noticing that there was a group of girls standing there, including my sister and Alice.

"Oh," I mouthed, ducking my head as I felt my cheeks heat.

When I looked up again, he was still staring at me, this time with a small smile on his perfect, pierced mouth. I smiled back, then touched my ribs. His brow wrinkled as I raised my eyebrows at him. His hand went to his ribs then and understanding crossed his face, and he mouthed, 'oh'.

I nodded and he waved his hand in a 'forget about it' manner. That wasn't good enough for me, I had to know.

I determinedly started to march toward him, everyone who thought he was so terrible be damned, my concern for him was more important. His eyes widened and he shook his head at me again but I wasn't going to be deterred. Except by my old Sunday school teacher, who literally grabbed a hold of me and began to loudly coo about how handsome and grown-up I had gotten.

I glanced over at Edward to find him smirking at me as his mother mussed his hair. I glared at him and he chuckled, following his mother along as she led the way to the kitchen.

I swear I was one of the last ones into the kitchen, thanks to Mrs. Cope, and there was nothing good left to eat. Edward gave me this cocky smirk and eyebrow raise and I glared back at him, taking a bite of my cornbread that tasted old.

He stood, and I watched with as much fascination as ever as he moved. He didn't walk near me at all, and he only looked up at me when he stopped at an empty table. I watched fixedly as he held up a stem with two cherries. He stared directly at me as he first licked his lips, then put a cherry between his moist, pink lips, sucking it from the stem before setting the other cherry down on the table and walking away.

I tried not to rush as I made my way over to the table. I knew he left it there for me, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to get it. I picked up the cherry first, then noticed the note beneath it. I folded open the piece of paper, reading the words, 'Meet me for a swim, alone, two weeks from tomorrow. DON'T do anything stupid.'

I caught his eye from across the room again and he smiled as I held up the cherry, bringing it to my lips. He watched me use my tongue to pull the cherry into my mouth and off the stem, his eyes never leaving mine as I chewed and swallowed it down. It tasted wonderful.

Two weeks passed painfully slowly. The only time I saw Edward at all was at church on Sundays, and that didn't allow for even the slightest chance of interaction besides stolen glances. When that Monday finally rolled around, it was a scorcher and everyone was heading to go swimming.

I lied, saying that I didn't feel good and stayed in bed all morning. Eventually, everyone came grumbling home, hissing about Edward being there already, and when my mother checked on me, I told her I was going to sleep because I felt rather ill.

It worked like a charm. She promised to let me rest and told me to call her if I needed anything. I quickly changed into my trunks, stuffed pillows under my blanket to make it appear I was still there, and snuck out my window, hoping that I wouldn't get caught.

I ran as fast and hard as I could through the woods behind the house, knowing my way despite not having a trail. Out of breath and sweating bullets, I hastily checked the cleared path and broke out of the woods when I saw no one. I ran down the embankment, kicking my shoes off as I went, and Edward grumbled something I didn't hear as I splashed into the water.

"Holy shit!" I nearly screamed as the cold water hit me. My hand flew to my mouth as I realized I cursed and Edward laughed at me, which made my hand fall away, but then I said it again as I looked at his side and saw what the reason for the bandage had been.

New ink.

I moved to him quickly, not even noticing the cold water anymore. I dropped to my knees at his side and immediately reached out to touch it, but stopped before I actually did. "Can I, please?" I asked him, practically begging.

The new ink was inside of the old ink. The black intricate design had a new counterpart, a steely-blue pattern that covered the previously bare skin down the center, the blue weaving into the black ink.

When he nodded his consent, I touched where it started first, lightly pressing the pad of my index finger against the new blue shape on his ribs. He shuddered as I started to drag my finger downward and I pulled my hand away, looking up into his eyes. "Does it hurt?" I worried.

"No," he answered simply, raising his arm slightly so I could start again.

I followed the entire pattern, ending at his hip. When I slid my fingers into the divot in front of his hip bone, he made a small sound, drawing my attention up to his face. His eyes were closed, but when I stopped moving, he opened them to look down at me.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"Very much, the blue is an interesting color," I told him.

"I thought so too," he said, staring down into my eyes. "I think it's a beautiful color."

I nodded in agreement and fell back from him slightly, sitting down onto the rocky stream floor in the shallow water. My eyes were as drawn to his body as ever, finally having the chance to see him again in so long, and I nearly gasped as I realized that his normally flaccid penis was standing out away from his body, thicker and longer than I'd seen it before. He quickly sank down into the water, and I averted my eyes when I saw that his face and ears were red.

We sat in an awkward silence as the cool water bubbled over us for a few moments before Edward broke the tension. "You did something stupid to get here, didn't you?" he asked.

I shrugged indifferently. "It's only stupid if I get caught, I guess," I answered him.

He shook his head at me grimly. "Don't get in trouble for me."

"It shouldn't be this way," I grumbled. "I know you aren't what they make you out to be."

He smirked at me crookedly, his seriousness leaving as a sparkle of trouble re-lit his green eyes. "Then you don't know me very well."

– – –

The first school year with Edward around was very difficult. All I could do was stare at him, worship him from a distance, unable to be near him as I would have liked, and he seemed to pay me no mind at all. In weeks, there was never even one silent conversation, barely a glance in my direction at all. So I stopped, because it was verging on weird the way I noticed him and _other_ people were starting to notice me. I wanted to be with someone who would pay as much as attention to me as I did to them, and that would never be Edward. It wouldn't be Alice Brandon though either, because I was aware of her as Edward was of me.

She tried hard though, and when I finally noticed her advances because I wasn't too busy following Edward, I was disappointed in the only prospect it seemed I had. Alice wasn't really my type, whether that was because she was a girl, I wasn't sure, but no other boy _or_ girl could hold my attention, excite me and intrigue me the way Edward could. But damn it, I had to try.

Things swiftly grew more friendly between Alice and I, before I even knew what was happening she was calling me her boyfriend and holding my hand and kissing my cheek. I was floundering, trying to keep up, until finally everything came to its breaking point.

Alice was standing close to me in the hallway, while I tried to pay attention to her going on and on about something trivial but failed as I didn't catch onto a word, searching for my notebook in my messy locker.

"Jasper, I want to tell you a secret," she said firmly.

"Okay, what's up?" I asked, not bothering to face her.

"It's a big secret, Jazzy, you have to turn around so I can whisper it in your ear," she insisted.

I did as she asked, bending forward more and more as she urged me to. Instead of whispering anything in my ear, she planted her little lips on mine and kissed me.

I didn't know what to do. I knew the moment her lips were on mine that this wasn't what I wanted, all I could think about was Edward. I wanted his plush pink lips on mine, the cold metal of his lip ring cutting into my skin as he kissed me hard, the softness of _his_ tongue darting over my lips.

Alice shrieked and I gasped as something ran into us hard from the side. My books went flying and all it took was a glimpse of chaotic black hair to make everything all right.

"Oh, shoot, I'm sorry," Edward mumbled halfheartedly. "Darn it, I should have been paying better attention, I didn't even see you there," he said, collecting my books for me.

Final bell rang and Alice hissed. "Cullen, you're such a creep. Come on, Jazz, let's go."

I couldn't. I couldn't even move. I was staring again, and he was staring back, I couldn't look away. "Go ahead, Ali, I have to get my books," I muttered.

She huffed, glaring at Edward as she went. "Freak," she spat at him.

That was it, any hope of building feelings for my sister's best friend were shot. I hated people who talked to him that way.

I dropped down onto my knees, helping gather my books, while Edward more or less just pushed them around to kill a few seconds. As soon as Alice disappeared around the corner, Edward leaned into me, hot breath fanning over my ear.

"Please don't do this," he whispered harshly. "Please don't stop."

His lips dragged over the skin of my cheek, cool metal scraping along the soft skin, and wet lips following in its wake. Then he stood, and I watched as he swiftly walked away. More to the point, I watched his butt as he walked away, and I knew that I had to be gay because nothing ever looked better than his butt in a pair of jeans just tight enough to give notice to the firmness of his muscular behind. I couldn't help but wonder if he flaunted his fine asset just for me.

Then he gave me a wink over his shoulder and I decided that he did. He wanted me to watch, he liked it. Even though I knew he probably wouldn't reciprocate the feelings that I had, I couldn't not pay attention to him anymore. If he noticed me enough to realize that I wasn't watching, that I was diverting my attention to Alice, then that was good enough for me.

Rosalie nearly mauled me when I 'broke up' with Alice the next day, and I spouted off some nonsense about wanting to focus on my studies. I didn't make it a point to tell her what or whom was my focus of study.

The whole school year went on without more than a few stolen moments alone with Edward. I noticed him paying slightly more attention to me, sometimes catching my eye across the room and making my knees weak with his attentive stare. There were more than a few times when he would glance up at me, to make sure I was watching, and do something like flick his lip ring back and forth with his tongue or lift his shirt up, way up, to scratch an itch on his chest. Needless to say, I was a young and certain things were uncontrollable. I started carrying around a notebook because he really loved to mercilessly tease me from his lonely table in the corner during lunch. That said notebook worked wonderfully to hide a certain something that a certain someone made grow unbearably hard.

I knew what masturbating was, in three shorts word: The Devil's Handiwork. So help me God, I was going to Hell for the number of times I did it in the boy's bathroom thinking of Edward.

Oddly enough, even though he teased me, and seemed to _know_ he was teasing me, things remained very innocent between us. I stared all year long, and my all time favorite was still when he'd take it all off for me. During the school year, it was in the locker room and during the summer it was at the swimming stream, but he always stripped himself, always seemingly just for me, and always making me want him impossibly more.

I was too chicken to make any sort of move when we were able to get each other alone, and he never made any real move either. He always just seemed to be teasing me, a couple times almost pushing too far, nearly pressing me to the point of no return. One time he tackled me, and I nearly kissed him as his naked body settled between my parted knees. Then there was the first time he playfully yanked my swimming shorts off. There was nothing playful about the way he stared at my penis, and I didn't really understand why he liked it so much when I looked at him, because I was completely unnerved by the way he stared at me.

I remember I kind of freaked out, got my shorts back, and ran home. I was so damn confused, I didn't know what he wanted. I didn't know if he wanted me or just to tease me, if he liked me or just liked me watching him. I was too afraid to ask, too far in to stop, and way too curious to care whether any of it was right or wrong.

I remember waking to tapping on my window that night, and I was shocked to find that Edward was there looking very distressed when I pulled back my blind.

"What's wrong?" I asked, shoving my window open.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it, please don't be mad at me," he begged quietly.

"What?" I wondered, then held my hand up stopping him before he could start. "How did you know what room was mine?"

He pointed up to the old baseball wind chime in my window. "I saw that and hoped like hell it was yours. I didn't mean to freak you out when I... I shouldn't have pulled your pants off, or looked," he said, bowing his head regretfully.

"Oh," I breathed. A sudden lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it down, forcing the words to come out. "It's okay, I mean, I stare at you all the time. It's only fair, I guess."

"But it's different when you look at me," he whispered.

The lump came back full force, blocking off my ability to speak so I just nodded and moved to close my window, but Edward stopped me with his hand on mine.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked. I shook my head 'no', not able to swallow the lump down. "Promise?" he pressed. I nodded, incapable of meeting his eyes. His hand slid off of mine and I quickly shut my window, pulling the blind back in place.

Surrounded in black, hidden behind the darkness of night, I let the tears fall. He confirmed what I feared all along. I was different, it wasn't normal the way I looked at him, and he definitely didn't look at me the same way. He regretted seeing me naked.

I couldn't face him, so like a coward I had hid out in my room for days, but when I found a single cherry on a double stemmed branch sitting in the front seat of my car, I knew I couldn't ignore him anymore.

I just had to deal with this one-sided affair, because Edward Cullen was my best friend and it wasn't his fault I was different.

– – –

I haven't forgotten a single word that was said between myself and Edward, I haven't forgotten any of the time we have spent together, not a single moment I was in his presence, but I wonder if he's forgotten me.

A lot has changed since the first time I met him two years ago, yet so much still remains the same. Edward is still the outcast and I am still secretly spending every minute of every day thinking about him.

Both of us have changed, though mostly in only appearance. Edward's hair is still chaotic and black, but his face is less boyish now, with a strong, hard jaw, and rough, manly stubble when he's too lazy to shave. My hair is longer, but still blonde and wavy, and sadly I never grew a manly jaw, though I have the better nose and cheekbones of the two of us. We both have grown taller, though only Edward grew any muscle mass. He remains sinewy and defined, while I am taller and softer, lean. My body remains unmarked, while his grew more designed over the years.

We're both technically adults now, eighteen and graduated, heading off to college as soon as summer winds down.

"Wanna swim naked?" drawls a deep, familiar voice in my ear, interrupting my reverie. I slap my hand over my mouth to muffle a shriek of surprise as he laughingly shoves me over and yanks my trunks off.

His eyes are glinting with mirth as he tosses my trunks into a nearby tree. "You're going to get those," I grumble at him.

I've been waiting for over forty minutes for him to show up like we'd planned. I thought he'd forgotten. I didn't even hear him, I was so lost in reminiscing. And now I'm naked with my shorts in a tree.

"You'd like watching that, wouldn't you?" he laughs, smirking at me.

I shrug, knowing that he loves to rib me about how I watch him. "And you'd like me watching you climb that tree naked," I tease back.

If I'm the voyeur, Edward is definitely the exhibitionist. "Who said anything about me being naked?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow. I simply cock an eyebrow right back at him and he starts laughing. "Yeah, I'd totally do it naked."

"So, are you going to tell me yet?" I ask.

He shakes his head 'no'. "Are you going to tell me?"

I shake my head too, and we swim around in circles, watching each other. The circle we are swimming are a lot like this current conversation. It goes around and around and we're both too stubborn to cave. Too stubborn, or too afraid to be the first to break the bad news.

We have been putting off telling each other where we are headed to college for months now. I know we sent applications into some of the same colleges; we both applied to several Alabama colleges as last resorts, but I don't think either of us wanted to stay in state. Which is why we avoid this conversation, because we both know we are going to have to part eventually. The hesitation in both of us is a confirmation to the other's fear. I took my acceptance to a college far from home, just like I knew he took one that wasn't here.

He stops swimming and I don't notice until I've circled completely around him. I stop in front of him and stand facing him. "Maybe we should just say it," he says.

We've done this a million times already. We agree that we need to tell each other, then we just... don't. It's too hard to tell him I'm going halfway across the country, it's too difficult to think of the possibility of never seeing him again.

"I'll tell you if you tell me first."

He stares at me for several long moments then smiles sadly. "Okay," he agrees.

"What?" I ask, shocked that he is actually willing to go first. Maybe I heard him wrong, or he's pulling my leg.

"Just let me say something else first, okay?" he asks, nervously pulling a hand through his hair. I nod, encouraging him to go ahead. "I know we're both just trying to make sure we have as much fun as we can possibly have this summer, considering..." he trails off and we both frown. He doesn't have to finish, I know what he was going to say... considering this would be our last. "My point is that I think we just need to do it, Jasper, we have to get it over with and stop worrying. Let's just say it and get it out in the open and go back to having fun, okay?"

I try to smile at him, but I don't think it works as I'd hoped it would because all he does is frown at me. "You're my best friend," he says. "I know it's weird, since we have to run around and do this shit behind everyone's back, but despite that, you've always been my best friend, Jas. My best friend ever."

"It is weird," I mumble. "It's stupid, we should just start parading around town together, saying screw everyone else." I've said this before. I've said this _many_ times before, but Edward always has the same reason not to.

"Jas, I can't do that to you. Your family hates me, _everyone_ hates me. I won't let you pick me over them."

"Fuck them," I whisper.

Edward's eyes get wide and he stares at me for half a second before laughing. I don't swear much, if at all. The F-word is not one I use lightly.

"Fuck them," I repeat a bit more loudly. "Fuck all of them, Edward, you're more important."

"Hardly," he laughs. "They're your parents, your sister, blood. I'm just some freak who coerced you into swimming naked."

I punch him in the arm, which only makes him laugh harder. "You are not a freak. And I hardly had to be coerced. If they can't accept you, then screw them. I'm serious. You're my best friend and I'm not ashamed of that."

"Maybe we should just stay on topic," he mutters, changing the subject. He doesn't let me argue with him anymore before jumping right into it. "I wanted to tell you the reason I chose where I did. Carlisle was offered a decent job at a different hospital a few months ago. Esme likes the small towns because of their hospitality—though we apparently chose a town that was simply hostile, except for you of course, you're pretty sweet," he says with smirk. I wave my hand urging him to move on with it. "I think they'll have better luck settling in without me around to screw it up for them." I punch him again and he glares this time. "What?"

"It's _not_ your fault the people around here are assholes."

"Right. As I was saying, since I'm obviously going off to college, Carlisle accepted the job and I applied for a college nearby. It's a decent school and I want to be close to them, so when I got my acceptance letter, I decided that is where I'm going to go." He frowns down at the water. "Don't get me wrong, Jasper, I want to be close to you too, but I had no idea where you were going, you didn't tell me, and I... didn't know what to do. It's really far away."

"Hey, don't feel bad," I urge, frowning down at him as he stands there looking defeated. "It's better that you didn't give up your family just to make me happy."

He punches me in the arm unexpectedly, and yells, "You're such a hypocrite!"

I wince and rub my arm. "It's different, whatever. Just don't feel bad, because I'm going far away too." He frowns and nods. "I'm purposely trying to get out of here though, Edward, that's what I meant earlier. I don't care if I get disowned, I'm leaving for a reason, I can't listen to their bullshit anymore. You _are_ important, I want us to have fun this summer, and that means not sneaking around anymore. We only have a couple more weeks before we have to leave... Your parents are awesome, right? I mean, when I get kicked out of the house, I can just totally come live with you or camp in your yard or something."

He laughs, actually giving me a true smile, crooked with dimples and all. "That'd be awesome." The smiles only last so long before they're replaced with a frown again. "Can I visit you?"

"Of course. I want to visit you too, but I'm going to be broke."

"Esme and Carlisle are already funding my college tuition and living expenses, I kind of feel bad for wanting to ask them for more money, but I know they'll give it to me, so I can fly out to see you all the time. And I will, I'll come and visit, I promise."

It's unsettling, the amount of emotion I feel when I look at him, wondering if this is really going to be the end. I know it's likely, I know he's probably going to meet some beautiful girl at college and fall in love... Forget all about me. It hurts, terribly, but I want him to be happy more than anything else in the world. If he's happy with some girl, than I can be happy for him, even if I won't truly be happy myself.

"I'm going to miss you like crazy," I divulge, slightly embarrassed to be admitting it to him, sounding like I might cry.

"Hey, I'm serious, Jas. I'll come to see you, anytime you want me."

It's too much, it's just too much. I feel like my emotions are flooding my body, so much that I can't even think. These past two years, he was the only person I ever wanted, and now, I still feel the same way, only more strongly. "I'll always want you," I hear myself confess before stepping closer to him.

I move without conscious thought, I dart forward quickly without really knowing what I'm doing, and I crash into him hard. Lips on lips, soft flesh pressed flat in urgency, cool steel between, bruising. Then cool water burning my lungs as we fall, him losing his balance either in a rush to get away from me or because of my unexpected harsh attack.

"What the hell was that?" Edward coughs, spitting up water, as we righted ourselves again.

I sputter, looking everywhere but at him. "That was a really poor attempt at kissing you," I try to joke.

He laughs, and I breathe easier—though it still burns from the water that went down my nose. He's laughing, probably at me because I'm such an idiot, but at least he's not punching me in the face. It's hard to remember sometimes that we're just friends, he's always naked around me. I'm always reminding myself that he just likes to be watched, it's just his thing, it doesn't mean anything. It's really difficult being naked around him though and not acting on my urges. Without my swimming trunks, I can't exactly hide my reaction to him and his body, not that he notices, since he never looks. He's not interested... and I just ruined our whole damn summer.

"You kissed me?" he asks incredulously.

"No," I lie. "I mean, yes, I tried. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, it was stupid. Please forget that happened."

I turn around and start to squeeze some of the water from my hair as I give myself a mental lashing... Edward walks around me, looking slightly shocked still as he continues to stare. "Where are you going to college, Jasper?"

I want to make him tell me first, like he agreed, but since I kind of just attacked him, I figure I can be the one to go first, I owe him. "Rosie and Emmett are in California, so I figured I would try for a college close to the west coast, to be closer to my sister, at least."

"Califonia? Where?" he asks, somewhat blankly.

"No, not California, but I figure it's not too far, I can probably drive it."

"Where?" he demands, eyes wide.

"Washington. None of the California schools would take my scholarships seriously."

"Washington?" he repeats, eyes saucer wide. "Seattle? U-Dub? Huskies?" he asks wildly.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I know it's so far, but—"

I'm not allowed to finish as there are lips on my partially opened mouth, and metal, and teeth, and tongue, and a moan that isn't mine. He's kissing me... Oh, God, he's kissing me and I'm just standing here, not even responding.

I quickly thrust my hands into his hair and my tongue into his mouth and he moans again. I know this isn't real, he's just... really excited for some reason, maybe he's going to California? Or Arizona, I know he was trying for Arizona, I could go straight from Rose's to his.

 _Oh my God, I can feel his penis on my hip_.

I start to breath really heavily as he continues to kiss me and step right up against me. We've never touched like this before. As much as I stared at his penis, I never touched it or felt it, and oh, goodness, it feels nice right there, next to mine.

Rough hands slide into my hair, pulling my mouth away from his. "You're serious?" he asks. "You're going to University of Washington in Seattle?"

"Yes," I answer him short of breath.

His lips stretch widely over his gleaming white teeth and he looks so happy, elated. "Can I be your roommate, Jasper? Please."

It takes a second for it to click, what he's saying exactly. "No," I gasp, my eyes as wide as his were earlier.

"Yes," he nearly squeals, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling himself up to my lips. No wonder he's so damn happy.

He breathlessly explains about silverware or forks or something near the Pacific shoreline and Carlisle working in some dinky town, but I don't know what the hell he's talking about because he keeps kissing me while he's explaining it and him kissing me is enough to try to comprehend for my currently overloaded brain.

We're going to college together.

"Oh my God, I love you," I whisper.

He pulls away from my mouth and I try to pretend I didn't just say that by attempting to kiss him again. I get his nose because he moved to avoid my lips. "What did you just say?" he asks.

"Nothing," I lie, ducking my head down to kiss him again. I need to shut up, I want him to keep letting me kiss him.

"Yes, you just said—"

"No. I didn't say anything," I lie again, cutting him off.

"Yes, you did, you said—"

"I didn't mean to," I say, rushing in to kiss him again before it's too late and I never have the chance again.

He pulls back from my mouth quickly. "You didn't mean it?" he asks, sounding hurt.

I sigh, closing my eyes. "Yes, I meant it, I just didn't mean to say it out loud. It slipped, I know you don't feel the same, I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. It's just, you're kissing me, and for two years I've wanted to, and now—"

"You've wanted to kiss me all along?" he gasps, he sounds so shocked. I really didn't think it was _that_ big of a secret.

"Edward, why do you think I stare at you all the damn time?"

"I just thought you liked my ink, I didn't know... You're always so shy and distant, why didn't you say anything sooner? I've been wanting to do this for just as long."

"Seriously? Why the hell didn't you say anything?"

"You didn't seem interested! I mean, yeah, you like to watch me, but I just thought it was the tattoos you were curious about, not me. You practically freak out every time I get you naked."

"Well, Edward, how would you like it if the boy you had a huge crush on, whom you thought had no interest in you _that_ way, took your trunks off only to reveal that you're hiding a huge boner for him?"

"Mm, I'd like that a lot," he says. "I tried not to look too much since it seemed to make you uncomfortable, but I couldn't resist checking you out whenever you wouldn't notice. You have the cutest ass."

"Oh my God, you look at my ass?" I ask, shocked. He nods with a smirk. "Wait, if you like me, _that way_ , how come you're always so perfectly... _controlled_?"

He laughs, shaking his head at me. "I'm not controlled at all, Jasper, I spank it like at least four times every time before I leave my house to come here. Sometimes in my damn car, too." I gasp and stare at him, seriously stunned, I never even realized... "I know, I'm such a pervert."

I shake my head, and then curiosity wins out, as it usually does with me. "Do you think about me?"

"Of course," he answers immediately. "Who else would I think about?"

"I think about you too," I admit sheepishly.

"That's so fucking hot," he whispers, then grips my hair and pulls my mouth back down to his.

He steps in hesitantly, pressing himself up against me again and I shudder, thinking about how he would look touching himself while he thought about me. His hands painstakingly touch every last inch of my body, the gentle pressure of his fingertips driving me mad with desire. I've never felt like this before, like I would explode if he didn't touch me harder, more.

I tried to touch him too, but he didn't seem as affected. I mostly concentrated on the areas of his skin that I knew were permanently marked, especially the tattoo along his ribs, and the newest addition, one along the opposite side of his abs.

Edward's hand drifts between us, and his fingers ghost feather-light over the sensitive skin of my arousal. I pull my mouth away, moaning quietly and trembling with how good it feels.

He smiles at me softly, before stepping back and grasping my hand. He leads me from the water and the sweltering Alabaman heat makes it difficult to breath—that or the nerves.

He seats me down onto a tree root that is sticking out of the embankment and kneels down between my legs, smiling up at me rather wickedly. I think he's going to...

He starts to kiss my chest and I panic slightly as he moves lower. "Wait, are you going to...?" I trail off questioningly, unable let alone say it out loud.

"Put your cock in my mouth?" he asks bluntly. I know that my eyes widen when he chuckles and smiles even more wickedly. "Yup," he answers.

He leans in and starts to kiss my chest again, this time licking over my nipple, sucking, and then using his teeth. "Oh my goodness," I gasp.

He chuckles and moves lower, nipping at my skin as he goes. It feels naughty, and quite honestly, amazing.

"Have you done this before?" I ask, frightened of the answer, but oh-so curious.

He looks up at me while he flicks his tongue over the skin where I may have an ab, or two. "No, Jas, never," he answers. I believe him, despite the sinful smile on his lips.

And then his tongue touches me, _there_. "Holy Mary," I shout when his lips wrap around the tip of me.

He slides off with a pop, and I whimper, because the warm of his mouth was so much better than just the heated air.

"Don't call me Mary," he says forcefully, drawing my eyes back open, and down to his. "Say my name," he nearly commands.

His lips wrap around me again and my entire body seizes up with pleasure. "Oh my Edward," I moan.

He chuckles with his mouth still on me and I whip me head back at the unbelievable sensation of the vibrations rumbling around me. It feels... Oh, it just feels simply fantastic. I never knew anything could feel like this, his tongue...

"I think maybe you should move your mouth," I gasp.

He pulls off of me and I whimper again, because there is nothing like Edward's mouth. Nothing.

"Already?" he asks, standing up, slowly stoking me with one of his hands.

I shudder and then frown at his word. "Yes. Um, I'm sorry?" I ask. It felt so good, usually I wouldn't feel the urge to orgasm so soon, but his mouth... and now his hand.

"Don't feel bad, I just don't want it to end," he says softly.

"Maybe we can do it again later," I suggest.

He laughs, leaning down to kiss me while his hand continues to manipulate me to the end I know is close. "We can definitely do it again later."

I turn my head slightly and start kissing him again as I look down at his own arousal. Hesitantly, I reach out and take him in my hand. He pulls away from my mouth with a moan and his hand falters its movement on me. Although I don't like that he's stopped moving, I take it as a good sign and stroke him a little more firmly.

I don't really know what I'm doing at all. I'd assumed it would be the same as what I would normally do to myself, but his is completely different. I don't have the foreskin that bunches up. It's like his has a sleeve or something on it, so I'm confused on what to do with it. He seems to like just normal stroking though, which leads me to believe that he doesn't really need anything special.

As his hand starts to move on me again, this time faster, I have to switch hands. When I do, Edward about jumps out of his skin as my hand slides over the exposed head as my other hand has his foreskin pulled back.

"Holy fuck," he groans, leaning onto my shoulder with his free hand.

I'm way too intrigued by the look on his face and the way he's reacting to stop, so I continue to use two hands on him while he clumsily tries to keep up what he's doing to me.

"Fuck, Jasper, now I'm going to cum fast," he moans.

He usually doesn't swear a whole lot around me, and I'm surprised by the fact that I like it when he uses dirty words, and touches me, and kisses me, and puts my... cock in his mouth.

"Oh, fuck," he gasps, and his hips jerk. "Oh, fuckfuckfuck. Jasper."

He chokes out one loud moan, then another, and another as he starts to orgasm. I love the way his body tightens and he quivers as his hips pump into my hand and he shoots his seed onto me, calling my name.

He's really loud. I'm worried someone might hear, but we're miles away from anything right now, and his hand is squeezing me. I don't care how loud he's being for long as I race to my own orgasm.

When he's finished he rests his head on the top of mine, kissing my forehead when he's not taking the Lord's name in vain. I shiver and shake as he caresses me through the mind-blowing sensations.

"You're really quiet," he comments.

"You're really loud," I counter, looking up at him.

He smirks, kisses me, then starts to walk away. "You're looking a little messy, you might need to take a swim," he says. I look down and gasp at the sight of my sun-kissed skin covered in the evidence of our releases. "And Jas," he calls. I look up to see him looking over his shoulder at me, "I love you too," he says before diving into the water.


End file.
